Newsletter 44

Spring 2008

Timing is everything.

This, of course, is why we managed to send out the 2007 Autumn Newsletter just days before a Manchester-based PR company issued a press release on behalf of the newborn University of Cumbria highlighting the results of the research project carried out here at the Centre.

The sequence of events was something like this (I should, at this point, emphasize that stages (2) to (5) inclusive are the result of educated guessing on my part …):

•  Late September: We send out the Newsletter.

•  Early October: The PR company hired to publicize the university asks them if they have anything interesting to hang a press release on. The university cries “Ho yes!” and proudly produces The Research Project.

•  Mid October: The PR company care-fully peruses the The Research Project.

•  Mid-to-late October: The PR company, confronted by results indicating that Healing by Gentle Touch is effective for a broad spectrum of conditions, goes for a nice lie down in a darkened room.

•  Late October: The PR company, after recovering from their mild panic attack, produces a Press release which announces to a breathless world that Mother Was Right and “Rubbing It Better” really does works.

•  Late October: The strange noise echo-ing around the Centre is eventually identified as Gretchen rhythmically hitting her head on her computer keyboard and moaning “I don't rub anything …”.

•  Late October: The world's press beats a path to our doorway. Sort of.

We found ourselves Flavour of the Nanosecond. Radio and film crews descended on us. (Well, all right – ONE radio crew and ONE film crew to be precise – but Radio Cumbria DID spend the morning and stay for lunch …). For a couple of days, Gretchen seemed to be doing nothing but talking to journalists and patiently explaining that she didn't rub anythin g. Then the ‘phone calls and letters started, mostly quite sane, but a couple of them a little odd, for want of a better expression. The diary started to fill up with appointments …

What was happening out in cyberspace, however, was even MORE interesting. First, it was just a trickle … the national papers all have their own websites these days, of course, and the pieces they trotted out in response to the press release duly appeared on them. The Mail, the Telegraph, the Independent … they all did a little spiel. After that, the internet started to feed off itself – as it does – and now, if you type the words (shudder) “rubbing it better” into a search engine you'll find just a few of the hundreds of references that are out there. The knock-on effect for us was that the number of visitors to our website increased exponentially.

For a couple of years the site has been attracting a steady trickle of “hits” – about 1,000 per month on average. Following the press release, the number of visitors increased in a manner that can only be described as mind-boggling. In fact, in the last five months, we've clocked up nearly 82,000 hits …

It would be lovely to be able to say that the increased public awareness of the Centre has resulted in an end to our financial worries. If this was a Hollywood biopic, a kindly old kajillionaire would see an article about us in a newspaper, think “Oh, what a fine thing!” and make a large donation to us with a twinkle in his photogenically blue eyes. It being real life, however, what we actually got was a lot more clients and no more money.

Which brings me to the Christmas Fair ….

I originally styled this our Christmas “At Home”, but it was (gently) suggested to me that very few people under the age of, say, ooh – ninety at least – would have the remotest idea of what an “At Home” was. So, I changed it to the infinitely more prosaic, but descriptive “Christmas Fair”.

We're horribly indolent when it comes to advertising our fundraising events – and can usually be relied on to leave it far too late into the bargain. The Christmas Fair was no exception. A month before the big day, I casually mentioned the Fair in the Parish News. A week before, I put a (very) small and (very) cheap advert in the Whitehaven News while Andrea scuttled around the local area with a few posters, persuading those kindly-disposed towards us to display them. On the day itself, I struggled in a Force 5 gale to attach our two long signboards (72 inches by 18 inches) to a gate and a hedge respectively to direct passers-by into The Chase. (A word to the wise – don't try that at home, and certainly not in high heels). And that was it. That was the sum total of our publicity. Pathetic, wasn't it? We deserved to spend the day in our own company, did we not?

What actually happened was that before I had tottered back up the drive after wrestling with the sign-in-the-hedge (Centre Manager – 0, Hedge – 1), the first punters had arrived on the doorstep. Within minutes, others were rolling up … dozens of them. They seemed to be coming in the windows and down the chimneys. It was quite extraordinary. It wasn't just our old friends who turned up, either … total strangers were roaming around in packs and making themselves at home. They prowled the Christmas Gift stalls, hoovering up the bargains, then went into the kitchen to fortify themselves on tea and cakes before sallying forth once more to hit the sales tables. Our volunteer bakers had done a sterling job for us, and first thing in the morning there was so much food on the table in the kitchen that we were afraid there was going to be a huge amount of wastage. We needn't have worried. By the time we'd rounded up the last visitors and shooed them from the premises at 4.00pm there was nothing but crumbs left.

What's more, we'd made over £1,500.

Don't ask us how we did it, because we have no idea. Bone idleness and making-it-up-as-we-went-along were apparently a winning combination … on that occasion.

Victorian Vicarage Garden .

You know the garden at The Chase? (Yes you do silly … big green thing, can't miss it.) Well … once upon a time (when Victoria was on the throne and the Men Who Made the Empire Great were doing unfortunate architectural things with bricks and trowels) it was a thriving Vicarage Garden . In order that you may understand the full significance of that, I can do no better than to hand you over to Erica Flint, our next-door neighbour and gardening enthusiast:

“Vicarage gardens were historically an essential part of country living, providing employment and training in gardening skills and setting an example of efficient self-sufficiency.”

I'll also let Erica explain what we're up to:

“The Chase garden is ideal as a site where traditional skills can be re-introduced with learning potential for both local people and visitors. We have the capacity to develop the traditional mix of food production with pleasure, providing space for summer garden events, and offering a therapeutic environment to those who need it. The gardens are an important, integral part of the healing process for both clients and volunteers, offering a safe and stress-free environment where the beauty and peace of the natural world complements the treatment within the Centre.

By using heritage seeds and working to organic standards utilising sustainable practices (seed saving, propagation of perennials, home grown bean poles, compost making etc) we aim to be a centre for good practice, safe and sustainable and open to all the community. Achievement through individual effort is essential and carries its own delight and sense of accomplishment.”

You just know that this is leading up to me asking for something, don't you? Of course it is. All sorts of somethings, in fact.

Our greatest need is for PEOPLE. We have a dependable core of volunteers, plus one paid gardener, all of whom have been working through the winter, weather permitting – but come the spring (which surely cannot now be far away …) we'll need more help.

WEDNESDAY is gardening day. If you'd like to talk to someone about volunteering – either on a regular basis, or (as several of our volunteers do) on an “as and when I can” basis, please give us a ring on the Centre's main number. Alternatively, you could simply turn up on a Wednesday – although it might be wise to ‘phone ahead just to let us know you're coming. All you need to bring is yourself – we provide all gardening equipment, tea, coffee, biscuits, cake and lunch.

That leads me neatly on to what ELSE we want. Equipment. The list I've been given says: “Forks, spades, pots, pallets, plant stock, wrecking bar.”. (I asked what a ‘wrecking bar' is, and was told, “It's a BIG crowbar …”). In short anything, really, to do with gardens and gardening will be gratefully received.

It's not all one-way, though. We have plants for sale … and will have throughout the year. What they are will obviously vary with the season … but there should always be something available. Come along and see what we've got.

On to our fundraising events :

Festival of Fools: (25th to 29th May – Muncaster Castle) : In 2005, Muncaster Castle appointed its first fool in over 350 years – Jem Famous. He was followed in 2006 by the splendidly-named Maynard Flipflap who was in turn ousted by the present incumbent, Paul Garbanzo. In May, the title will move on once again during the five days of the Festival of Fools. We will be there for all five days, providing the manpower on the sideshows. It's a fairly labour-intensive business, so if you can spare any time at all, please let us know on the enclosed form. Children are particularly welcome because there's invariably a great deal of chasing around and retrieving things to be done, too much of which tends to cripple adults, (especially those who are a bit past their ‘sell by' date …)

Music for a Summer's Evening: (Saturday, July 19th : 4.00pm to 9.00pm .) We're opening the garden for the evening, and even laying on the entertainment in the form of well-known local musicians Spud Murphy, Andy Winters and Stef Wars, who will be singing Indy Folk Music. Entry £5.00. Turn up when you want and bring your own picnic. More details later in the year in the local press, the Friends' Newsletter and on our website.

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Annual Trivia Quiz Results: If you entered for either or both of the quizzes and sent me a stamped and addressed envelope, you will know by now what the answers were and who won. If you DIDN'T send an SAE, or did but haven't heard from us, give us a ring and we'll put the answers in the post to you.

The results were entirely predictable. In fact, you may notice what might be called a ‘common denominator' (or three):

Abandon Hope:

1st   (47 out of 50) Tony Pennick of St Bees.

2nd   (42 out of 50) Mary Hart of Allonby.

3rd   (41 out of 50) Henry Stewart of Holmrook.

General Trivia: Joint st with 95 out of 100:

Mary Hart of Allonby.

Tony Pennick of St Bees.

Henry Stewart of Holmrook.

Congratulations to you all … and to everyone who returned their answers, because the standard this year was very high. That's probably because we've culled the weaklings ...

From the Centre Manager's Desk:

What, you may well ask, does THAT mean? Good question. Hands up everyone who knows what a “blog” is. Yep. Thought as much … the Luddites are strong amongst us. In fact, I just know one or two of you are out there hefting a sledgehammer menacingly even as I type …

“Blog” is short for “weblog” and it's no more nor less than an on-line diary. There are literally millions of them on the internet, and it has to be said that only a handful are worth reading. If you wouldn't read it in a book, why would anyone think you'd want to read it on the internet?

All of which is leading up to the fact that the Centre now has one – or to be more precise – the Centre Manager has (that would be me …). You see, as I wander haplessly through my working day, I occasionally note down things that amuse/infuriate/interest me as I go along in the hope that I can mention some of them in either the Parish News, or the Friends Newsletter, or even this one. Inevitably, when I need the notes, I can never find them. So, I thought it would be more sensible to put them all in one place on the computer … and from there it was only a short step to a blog. Allowing people to peek inside my brain may not be the shrewdest thing I've ever done, but what the heck …

Should you be remotely interested, you'll find it by clicking here. I try to update it at least three times a week.

Our Patron Harry Enfield did a fun internet thing for us recently, which is not a million miles removed from the blog.

In what I laughingly call my “spare time”, I pretend to be a book reviewer. Really. I do. I was asked by a long-time friend if I would help her with her book review site and I'm now a co-administrator of it for my sins. I cheekily asked Harry if he would agree to be interviewed on it if I also used the piece to put in a little plug for the Centre, and he – being game for almost anything that will help us, bless him – said yes. The resulting piece, about books and writing, is just wonderful . Do go and read it if you have internet access. You can find it either by clicking here, or else you can find it via our own website – www.cccare.org – which has a direct link to it (and my blog) on the home page. If you'd like to read it, but don't have internet access, give us a ring or drop us a line, and we'll print a copy out for you.

eBay:

Last year, mostly for personal reasons, our eBay trading rather went into abeyance. Now, however, I'm preparing to crank it up again, and we are therefore back on the ‘want' for:

Second-hand jewellery : We do a great trade in this … probably on account of human beings (especially the female of the species) having a strong magpie tendency – they just love glittery things. We sell it both on eBay and here at the Centre.

I still have fond memories of a box of junk that turned up unannounced and apparently unloved on our front doorstep a while back. On inspection, it contained – amongst other things - some black looking objects which, when cleaned up proved to be not only silver brooches, but Art Nouveau silver brooches. There was also a lovely Arts and Crafts copper tankard in the same box. That was a GOOD day (she said with a happy sigh …).

Books: Always welcome. The best and most interesting are creamed off for eBay, the rest go in the waiting room to be sold to visitors – or to the secondhand book dealers who come when called (usually when we're rapidly running out of space).

Pottery, china, ornaments: You know those old plates and jugs and bowls and terrible Staffordshire ornaments that your Mum and your Grandma cherished – the truly hideous ones? Well, guess what? Yes … other people absolutely love them. So, when you're clearing out, remember us. Just because that psychotic-looking boss-eyed dog doesn't appeal to you, it doesn't mean that someone out there – probably in the United States – won't adore it.

Our finest hour: You'll like this …

In the last newsletter I was whining – as ever – about how difficult it is to raise money to keep the Centre open. I said, and I quote:

The excuse is always that we don't “fit the criteria” and apparently no-one with the power to say “Yes” or “No” has sufficient wit or imagination to look beyond those criteria. We're obviously seen as weird and flaky.

Over a month after that newsletter went out, we were contacted by a local journalist who wanted to do a piece on us. He interviewed Gretchen, and wrote a very good, very well balanced article. The evening it came out, however, I was driving past the local garage on my way home and nearly crashed the car. There, on the advertising “A” board outside was a sign screaming:

“WEST CUMBRIAN CHARITY

BRANDED WEIRD”

I liked it so much, I took a photo for posterity.

And finally … To end on a rather melancholy note … we've had to say goodbye to Ben-the-three-legged-dog, who'd been greeting the Centre's clients for over 9 years. He was at least 13 (as he was a rescue dog, we were never quite sure) and had been in failing health for some time, but died very peacefully on Christmas Eve.

In his honour – and at the first available opportunity – we're planning to organize The Ben Briggs Memorial Three-Legged Race around the grounds … (blame Gretchen's family – they dreamt it up over Christmas ...).

A small, probably four-legged, Ben replacement will doubtless be popping up in due course, just as soon as the Centre Manager succeeds in selling her house and moving to Muncaster. One stressor at a time.

And that's it until September ….

MKB/14.3.08